October is Babyloss Awareness Month and the 9th to 15th of October are Babyloss Awareness Week. To be honest, while I start this post I am not sure entirely what I am going to write, but I know that I would like to write something. Bam Bam has been blissfully napping on my lap for the last two hours and I know that some people who have come to this blog more recently may not realise she is a rainbow baby.
One in four women will experience baby loss. That can be in the form of a miscarriage (before the 24th week of pregnancy) or a stillbirth (after the 24th week of pregnancy), or the loss of a neonate. Whatever the circumstances, they are all devastating losses to the pregnant person, their family, their friends – their entire circle. Many more people beyond the parents are affected by baby loss.
My Baby Loss Story
My son Pixie died at 41 weeks. He would be not far off 18 months old now. His little sister Bam Bam is not far off 6 months old. Having the real joy of a healthy, happy rainbow baby does help to distract the mind from our loss. But his memory never goes away entirely. I have had quite a few days where thoughts of him play heavy on my mind. Every new milestone for Bam Bam is a milestone that he didn’t get the chance to reach. I think that grieving now is more of a sadness for what he could have been though, not comparing him to his sister. You are always wondering what he would have been. I’m fascinated by babies who are the same age. I’m always trying to imagine him as he would be now.
Nothing else to say
I don’t think I have anything else to say right now, except be kind to the people you meet. They may be experiencing baby loss. They might be experiencing adult loss. Perhaps they’re just generally having a hard time – who’s to know? So many of us go through hardship. I have a wonderful little girl, but ask me if she’s my only child and I will almost certainly tear up. I will not know how to answer you. No need to tread on eggshells around people, but just be aware that sadness and hardship affects us all, no matter how big our smile is today.
A special thank you to Isoelegant who took us some beautiful photos at Pixie’s funeral, like the one in the graphic. I felt at the time that no matter how uncomfortable I was with taking photos at the funeral I would want them one day, and I was right. It has been a really cathartic experience looking through those photos this evening.