Things I Know About Making Toast Mosaics That I Didn’t Know Before

1. Dark toast is smaller than light toast and therefore messes with your grid when making a giant toast mosaic.

2. Jumping up and down on toast is the most effective way of making it bigger so it all fits.

3. Eventually, crumbs on the floor become a life-threatening slip hazard.

4. If correctly attached to the floor with ‘spread’, you can walk on a toast mosaic.

Laura Hadland world record breaking largest toast mosaic

5. Getting your mates to make a massive toast mosaic leads to a whole range of interesting builder’s bums that you never thought you’d see.

6. Given the volume of toast, at least one person will search out butter in order to try and eat some.

7. Giant toast mosaics are surprisingly popular with the media.

8. Repeated toast mosaic creation leads to soreness of the lower back, knees and front of legs.

9. Everyone develops a different technique of applying the toast – by rows, in blocks or by colour seeming to be the most popular.

10. Anyone dislodging a piece of toast from the mosaic will be subjected to a round of pantomime boos.

Oh, and finally, the speed at which a toast mosaic is produced increases geometrically with the amount of booze consumed.


Bestselling author and freelance drinks writer. Champion of pubs and breweries. Occasional printmaker.

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